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El primero fue Jesús (Mateo 14:25).
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El segundo era Simón Pedro, discípulo de Jesús (Mateo 14:29).
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y el tercero...Jorge!
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Friday, May 17
El tercer hombre en la historia para caminar sobre el agua
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El primero fue Jesús (Mateo 14:25).
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El segundo era Simón Pedro, discípulo de Jesús (Mateo 14:29).
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y el tercero...Jorge!
Wednesday, December 19
Say that again? Things people say to missionaries
When are you guys coming back home? You mean, when will we be going back home to Ecuador? Home is less a place, and more wherever it is that we are together as a family.
How do you talk to people when they don't speak English, or do they speak English down there? You have to learn their language. In our case, that would be Spanish. Language and cultural adaptation are two of the toughest hurdles for most cross-cultural missionaries.
Can you share a 5-minute testimony in our Wednesday night service? I would love to share in your church, but wish it was more than 5-minutes. It is hard to summarize three years of experiences in a meaningful way, and share what the Lord has laid on my heart, but I will give it my best shot. Five minutes is better than nothing at all.
Will your kids be going overseas with you? Are you offering to keep them with you while we are gone for three years? [smile] Yes, they will be going with us. We believe God calls families, not just moms and dads. Our kids are just as much a part of our mission as we are.
Right now our church is doing other things and can't take on any new committments at this time. You do understand, don't you? No, I really don't, but what else can I say.
[Closely related]: Our church is committed to the building campaign and for now missions giving is on hold. Once this is paid for we can look at some ministry options with you. Can you get back with us in a couple of years? Thanks, but no thanks. Just hearing from you that 'missions giving is on hold' for something else, confirms for me we are not reading the same Bible and not a good partnership match. As I walk away, I am quoting Luke 9:5 to myself, "wherever people don't welcome you, leave that town and shake the dust off your feet as a warning to them."
We aren't doing missions because our church is into other things right now. Are those "other things" keeping you from obeying what Jesus Christ has commanded? If so, maybe those other things are what need discarding.
Why are you down there in Ecuador when there are so many lost and needy people right here at home? Yes, there are lost and needy people wherever we go, but the Great Commission is not only about our Jerusalem, but also about being his witnesses in Judea, Samaria, and even to the ends of the earth. What makes you so sure I am the one in disobedience?
Our dollars are needed right here at home. Those people are just 'reaping what they have sown.' I understand where you are coming from, but before jumping to conclusions, why not come down and spend a week seeing first hand the plight of 'those people', and then decide where it is you want to invest all those dollars you think should be kept 'at home.' My experience is those who speak the loudest on keeping money at home, neither give to help those at home--or anywhere else for that matter!
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NOTE: All the above (along with their variations) are real things that have been said to us on more than one occasion. We share them, not to embarrass, but hopefully to help the reader see things from our perspective. Not all missionaries view these things in the same way. What I have shared above are just my reactions to some of these statements that have been repeated to us over the years.
Sunday, August 21
Think you know me?
25 random things about me. Would love for you to share in the comments section which of the following surprises you the most. Feel free to share a few random things about yourself while you're at it!
1. 39 of my 54 years have been lived in Latin America (Ecuador, Colombia, Costa Rica.)
2. Linda and I were engaged four years before getting married.
3. I prefer hymns over contemporary praise and worship songs.
4. I watch very little television, but will view 4-5 movies/documentaries every week.
5. I am not a sports fan, but can tolerate those who are.
6. I love books of all kinds and read/listen to 3-4 every month.
7. I have lived with 2-3 migraines/week for the past 20 years--no treatments seem to work.
8. At age 17 I had a root canal procedure done in Ecuador without any anesthesia.
9. More people know me as "Guido" than Guy.
10. One of my biggest life regrets is not keeping up my proficiency in playing the piano and guitar.
11. Some of my favorite foods are freshly baked bread & butter, cheese, popcorn, avocados, corn chips & salsa, and good coffee. I am perfectly content to make a meal out of any one, or combination of these.
12. Before I die I'd like to learn to dance, speak semi-fluent Italian, visit all 50 States in USA, and spend at least a month each wandering around Spain and Italy.
13. I function better by instinct than by planning. Really.
14. I am most attracted by the mysterious.
15. I love to travel, but stress out making all the necessary arrangements for a good trip.
16. My favorite fruits are a good Texas cantaloupe, Chilean cherries, and Ecuadorian papaya and bananas.
17. The people living that I probably admire the most are my parents.
18. I have had a mustache 31 continuous years. I plan to shave it off when I can maintain a weight under 180 lbs. for six consecutive weeks.
19. I most admire creative or artistic people.
20. Favorite stores: Best Buy, Walmart, Amazon.com.
21. My idea of a really exciting time would be to spend a month by myself in some far off lonely place without anybody else around.
22. I love all kinds of music--everything from A-Z. Daily, I spend more time listening to music than any other single activity.
23. Books recently read that I have enjoyed or been challenged by: The Help, Unbroken, Blink, Love Wins (didn't agree, but was a challenging book), Water for Elephants, The Tipping Point, Six Word Lessons to Discover Missional Living.
24. I hate talking on any kind of phone. I will do so to take care of business, but anything more than that quickly sets me on edge. I'd rather email or text message any day, than make a phone call.
25. I really believe that Texas is the closest thing to Heaven here on earth!
1. 39 of my 54 years have been lived in Latin America (Ecuador, Colombia, Costa Rica.)
2. Linda and I were engaged four years before getting married.
3. I prefer hymns over contemporary praise and worship songs.
4. I watch very little television, but will view 4-5 movies/documentaries every week.
5. I am not a sports fan, but can tolerate those who are.
6. I love books of all kinds and read/listen to 3-4 every month.
7. I have lived with 2-3 migraines/week for the past 20 years--no treatments seem to work.
8. At age 17 I had a root canal procedure done in Ecuador without any anesthesia.
9. More people know me as "Guido" than Guy.
10. One of my biggest life regrets is not keeping up my proficiency in playing the piano and guitar.
11. Some of my favorite foods are freshly baked bread & butter, cheese, popcorn, avocados, corn chips & salsa, and good coffee. I am perfectly content to make a meal out of any one, or combination of these.
12. Before I die I'd like to learn to dance, speak semi-fluent Italian, visit all 50 States in USA, and spend at least a month each wandering around Spain and Italy.
13. I function better by instinct than by planning. Really.
14. I am most attracted by the mysterious.
15. I love to travel, but stress out making all the necessary arrangements for a good trip.
16. My favorite fruits are a good Texas cantaloupe, Chilean cherries, and Ecuadorian papaya and bananas.
17. The people living that I probably admire the most are my parents.
18. I have had a mustache 31 continuous years. I plan to shave it off when I can maintain a weight under 180 lbs. for six consecutive weeks.
19. I most admire creative or artistic people.
20. Favorite stores: Best Buy, Walmart, Amazon.com.
21. My idea of a really exciting time would be to spend a month by myself in some far off lonely place without anybody else around.
22. I love all kinds of music--everything from A-Z. Daily, I spend more time listening to music than any other single activity.
23. Books recently read that I have enjoyed or been challenged by: The Help, Unbroken, Blink, Love Wins (didn't agree, but was a challenging book), Water for Elephants, The Tipping Point, Six Word Lessons to Discover Missional Living.
24. I hate talking on any kind of phone. I will do so to take care of business, but anything more than that quickly sets me on edge. I'd rather email or text message any day, than make a phone call.
25. I really believe that Texas is the closest thing to Heaven here on earth!
Wednesday, May 25
Missionary Perks
Many of our supporters back in the United States feel sorry for missionaries living overseas and all we have given up to "suffer for Jesus." But the truth is, we are better off than most think. Here is a sampling of just a few of the many perks we enjoy as missionaries:
-Being given the seat right in front of the only floor fan in a closed room where 30 perspiring people are crammed together in equatorial heat and humidity. (If you don't think this is an honor and privilege, just try sitting somewhere else in the room and not passing out!)
-Being asked to sing, preach, teach, baptize, speak, dedicate babies, marry, or give the devotional at any church gathering that takes place. (If you're a missionary, you know what I am talking about. Not even Billy Graham gets asked to do all that we are honored to do!)
-Being invited to everyone's birthday party, anniversary, or wedding. (It is expected the missionary will bring a nice gift.)
-Having a phone that actually works (most of the time.)
-Having a mobile phone with a balance. (That way everyone who needs to make a call can borrow ours and we save them from having to use their own balance. Call it our "phone ministry!")
-Always the one invited to go places. (The missionary has a car and can be counted on to provide transportation for the other 15 people also wanting to go.)
-Double portions of rice, chicken and plantains at any social occasion. (They reason we must eat twice as much to be as big as we are!)
-A nice siesta every day after lunch. (How do people in the States manage to go all day long without a nap?)
-Fruit vendors, knife sharpeners, plumbers, sewer cleaners, professional con artists, street sweepers, bottle collectors, repairmen, newspaper collectors, beggars, Jehovah Witnesses, gardeners, electricians, and salesmen, ringing your door bell 10 times a day to see if you need their services or can give them anything.(While sometimes annoying--especially during afternoon siesta--it generally is a nice perk when you actually do need their services!)
-Always being complimented on how fat we are getting, or how much weight we have gained over the past month. (The intent is good, but annoying since these "thoughtful" words usually come right after we have killed ourselves working out at the gym and currently on a diet.)
-The honor of receiving calls every week from people asking for help in translating an English letter, recipe, their kid's homework, legal documents, etc. (How many times have I heard, "oh, it will just take a minute, you don't mind do you?")
-Being stared at every time we set foot outside the house like we were some movie star (especially since our only actual claim to fame is being from Texas.)
-Being the first person people think of when they are in an economic crisis and need a loan.
-Someone to do all your yard work for less than your kids allowance.
And finally, my favorite perk...
-Garbage picked up seven days/week, 365 days/year without anyone questioning what it is you are throwing away. This is probably my favorite missionary perk, and the one I most appreciate getting back to after every Stateside furlough. (One furlough, seriously--NOT ONCE was our garbage picked up by the trash collectors due to our never figuring out how to do it right. I was totally overwhelmed by "garbage manual" explaining all the rules and regulations about what kinds of trash will be picked up, on what days, in what type of containers, etc.)
And people wonder what missionaries do with all their time. Well, as you can see, managing all our perks can be pretty time consuming!
Care to add some of the perks that come with your career-job-ministry? Just add them to the comments section!
-Being given the seat right in front of the only floor fan in a closed room where 30 perspiring people are crammed together in equatorial heat and humidity. (If you don't think this is an honor and privilege, just try sitting somewhere else in the room and not passing out!)
-Being asked to sing, preach, teach, baptize, speak, dedicate babies, marry, or give the devotional at any church gathering that takes place. (If you're a missionary, you know what I am talking about. Not even Billy Graham gets asked to do all that we are honored to do!)
-Being invited to everyone's birthday party, anniversary, or wedding. (It is expected the missionary will bring a nice gift.)
-Having a phone that actually works (most of the time.)
-Having a mobile phone with a balance. (That way everyone who needs to make a call can borrow ours and we save them from having to use their own balance. Call it our "phone ministry!")
-Always the one invited to go places. (The missionary has a car and can be counted on to provide transportation for the other 15 people also wanting to go.)
-Double portions of rice, chicken and plantains at any social occasion. (They reason we must eat twice as much to be as big as we are!)
-A nice siesta every day after lunch. (How do people in the States manage to go all day long without a nap?)
-Fruit vendors, knife sharpeners, plumbers, sewer cleaners, professional con artists, street sweepers, bottle collectors, repairmen, newspaper collectors, beggars, Jehovah Witnesses, gardeners, electricians, and salesmen, ringing your door bell 10 times a day to see if you need their services or can give them anything.(While sometimes annoying--especially during afternoon siesta--it generally is a nice perk when you actually do need their services!)
-Always being complimented on how fat we are getting, or how much weight we have gained over the past month. (The intent is good, but annoying since these "thoughtful" words usually come right after we have killed ourselves working out at the gym and currently on a diet.)
-The honor of receiving calls every week from people asking for help in translating an English letter, recipe, their kid's homework, legal documents, etc. (How many times have I heard, "oh, it will just take a minute, you don't mind do you?")
-Being stared at every time we set foot outside the house like we were some movie star (especially since our only actual claim to fame is being from Texas.)
-Being the first person people think of when they are in an economic crisis and need a loan.
-Someone to do all your yard work for less than your kids allowance.
And finally, my favorite perk...
-Garbage picked up seven days/week, 365 days/year without anyone questioning what it is you are throwing away. This is probably my favorite missionary perk, and the one I most appreciate getting back to after every Stateside furlough. (One furlough, seriously--NOT ONCE was our garbage picked up by the trash collectors due to our never figuring out how to do it right. I was totally overwhelmed by "garbage manual" explaining all the rules and regulations about what kinds of trash will be picked up, on what days, in what type of containers, etc.)
And people wonder what missionaries do with all their time. Well, as you can see, managing all our perks can be pretty time consuming!
Care to add some of the perks that come with your career-job-ministry? Just add them to the comments section!
Saturday, April 24
Missionary perks
Many of our supporters back in the United States often feel sorry for missionaries living overseas and "suffering for Jesus." But the truth is, we are better off than most think. Folks back home simply aren't aware of the many privileges and advantages we enjoy in our host countries. Here is a sample of just a few of the many perks we enjoy as missionaries:
-Getting our own glass to drink out of at social occasions and not having to share with someone else.
-Being given the seat right in front of the only floor fan in a closed room where 30 perspiring people are crammed together in equatorial heat and humidity. (If you don't think this is an honor and privilege, just try sitting somewhere else in the room and not pass out!)
-Being asked to sing, preach, teach, baptize, speak, dedicate babies, marry, or give the devotional at any church gathering that takes place. (If you're a missionary, you know what I am talking about. Not even Billy Graham gets asked to do all that we are honored to do!)
-Being invited to everyone's birthday party, anniversary, or wedding. (They know at least the missionary will bring a nice gift.)
-Having a wireless cell phone with a balance. (That way everyone who needs to make a call can borrow ours and we save them money. We call it our "phone ministry!")
-Always the one invited to go places. (They know the missionary has a car and will provide the transportation for all the other 15 people also wanting to go.)
-Double portions of rice, chicken and plantains at any social occasion. (They reason we must eat twice as much to be as big as we are!)
-A nice siesta every day after lunch. (How do people in the States manage to go all day long without a nap?)
-Fruit vendors, knife sharpeners, plumbers, sewer cleaners, professional con artists, street sweepers, bottle collectors, repairmen, newspaper collectors, beggars, Jehovah Witnesses, gardeners, electricians, and salesmen, ringing your door bell 20 times a day to see if you need their services or can give them anything. (While sometimes annoying--especially during afternoon siesta--it is generally a nice perk when you actually do need their services!)
-Always being complimented on how fat we are getting, or how much weight we have gained over the past month. (It truly is a cultural compliment meaning we are "well fed", "healthy" and can afford to eat like we do.)
-The privilege of receiving calls from people asking for help in translating an English letter, recipe, their kid's homework, legal documents, etc. (How many times have I heard, "oh, it will just take a minute, you don't mind do you?")
-Being able to go to the Pharmacy and buy whatever medications you need without a prescription. (Just go down to the corner drugstore 24/7 and get what you need--none of that $120 doctor fee to tell you what you already know!)
-Being the first person people think of when they are in an economic crisis and need a loan.
-Oh yes, having a maid to cook, clean, and wash everyday. (How do people manage without one?)
And finally, my favorite perk...
-Garbage picked up seven days/week, 365 days/year without anyone questioning what it is you are throwing away. This is probably my favorite missionary perk, and the one I most appreciate getting back to after every Stateside furlough. (On a previous furlough (no joke) NOT ONCE was our garbage picked up by the trash collectors due to our never figuring out how to do it right. I was totally overwhelmed by "garbage manual" explaining all the rules and regulations about what kinds of trash will be picked up, on what days, in what type of containers, etc.)
And people wonder what missionaries do with all their time. Well, as you can see, managing our perks takes quite a bit of our daily time!
Care to add some of the perks that come with your career-job-ministry? Just add them to the comments section!
-Getting our own glass to drink out of at social occasions and not having to share with someone else.
-Being given the seat right in front of the only floor fan in a closed room where 30 perspiring people are crammed together in equatorial heat and humidity. (If you don't think this is an honor and privilege, just try sitting somewhere else in the room and not pass out!)
-Being asked to sing, preach, teach, baptize, speak, dedicate babies, marry, or give the devotional at any church gathering that takes place. (If you're a missionary, you know what I am talking about. Not even Billy Graham gets asked to do all that we are honored to do!)
-Being invited to everyone's birthday party, anniversary, or wedding. (They know at least the missionary will bring a nice gift.)
-Having a wireless cell phone with a balance. (That way everyone who needs to make a call can borrow ours and we save them money. We call it our "phone ministry!")
-Always the one invited to go places. (They know the missionary has a car and will provide the transportation for all the other 15 people also wanting to go.)
-Double portions of rice, chicken and plantains at any social occasion. (They reason we must eat twice as much to be as big as we are!)
-A nice siesta every day after lunch. (How do people in the States manage to go all day long without a nap?)
-Fruit vendors, knife sharpeners, plumbers, sewer cleaners, professional con artists, street sweepers, bottle collectors, repairmen, newspaper collectors, beggars, Jehovah Witnesses, gardeners, electricians, and salesmen, ringing your door bell 20 times a day to see if you need their services or can give them anything. (While sometimes annoying--especially during afternoon siesta--it is generally a nice perk when you actually do need their services!)
-Always being complimented on how fat we are getting, or how much weight we have gained over the past month. (It truly is a cultural compliment meaning we are "well fed", "healthy" and can afford to eat like we do.)
-The privilege of receiving calls from people asking for help in translating an English letter, recipe, their kid's homework, legal documents, etc. (How many times have I heard, "oh, it will just take a minute, you don't mind do you?")
-Being able to go to the Pharmacy and buy whatever medications you need without a prescription. (Just go down to the corner drugstore 24/7 and get what you need--none of that $120 doctor fee to tell you what you already know!)
-Being the first person people think of when they are in an economic crisis and need a loan.
-Oh yes, having a maid to cook, clean, and wash everyday. (How do people manage without one?)
And finally, my favorite perk...
-Garbage picked up seven days/week, 365 days/year without anyone questioning what it is you are throwing away. This is probably my favorite missionary perk, and the one I most appreciate getting back to after every Stateside furlough. (On a previous furlough (no joke) NOT ONCE was our garbage picked up by the trash collectors due to our never figuring out how to do it right. I was totally overwhelmed by "garbage manual" explaining all the rules and regulations about what kinds of trash will be picked up, on what days, in what type of containers, etc.)
And people wonder what missionaries do with all their time. Well, as you can see, managing our perks takes quite a bit of our daily time!
Care to add some of the perks that come with your career-job-ministry? Just add them to the comments section!
Thursday, April 22
More... Scripture As We Live It
More Scripture...As We Live It by Alan Knox...
Jesus asked, “Which of these three, do you think, proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell among the robbers?” He said, “The one whoshowed him mercy pointed out his theological error.” And Jesus said to him, “You go, and do likewise.” (Luke 10:36-37 re-mix)
Ifmy people who are called by my name Americans humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways pass conservative moral laws, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land. (2 Chronicles 7:14 re-mix)
I [John the Baptist] baptize you with water for repentance, but he who is coming after me is mightier than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry. He will baptize you withthe Holy Spirit and with fire water also. (Matthew 3:11 re-mix)
If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved; and if you are baptized in the proper manner and partake of the Lord’s Supper in the right way and become a member of the right kind of church organization and give a portion of your money to that church and profess doctrinal agreements with us and do anything else that we deem appropriate, then we will treat you as if you are saved. (Romans 10:9 re-mix)
So I exhort the elders among you…shepherd the flock of God that is among you preach sermons, organize programs, officiate weddings and funerals,administer finances, supervise employees… (1 Peter 5:1a, 2a re-mix)
ForI received from the Lord what I also delivered to you you should repeat these words after passing out the bread during the Lord’s Supper but before eating the bread, that the Lord Jesus on the night when he was betrayed took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it, and said, “This is my body which is for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” In the same way also he took the cup, after supper, repeat these words after passing out the cups but before drinking saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.” (1 Corinthians 11:23-25 re-mix)
Therewas not a needy person were needy persons among them, for as many as were owners of lands or houses sold them and brought the proceeds of what was sold and laid it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to each as any had need. (Acts 4:34-35 re-mix)
The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a nobletask occupation. Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church. He must not be a recent convert, but must be a seminary graduate or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil. Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil. (1 Timothy 3:1-7 re-mix)
Paul, a prisoner for Christ Jesus, and Timothy our brother, To Philemon our beloved fellow workerand Apphia our sister and Archippus our fellow soldier, and the church in your house concerning a personal issue between us and you alone… there’s no reason to involve the whole church in this. (Philemon 1:1-2 re-mix)
Jesus asked, “Which of these three, do you think, proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell among the robbers?” He said, “The one who
If
I [John the Baptist] baptize you with water for repentance, but he who is coming after me is mightier than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry. He will baptize you with
If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved; and if you are baptized in the proper manner and partake of the Lord’s Supper in the right way and become a member of the right kind of church organization and give a portion of your money to that church and profess doctrinal agreements with us and do anything else that we deem appropriate, then we will treat you as if you are saved. (Romans 10:9 re-mix)
So I exhort the elders among you…
For
There
The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble
Paul, a prisoner for Christ Jesus, and Timothy our brother, To Philemon our beloved fellow worker
Sunday, April 11
Scripture...As We Live It
Alan Knox, who got my vote for best blog in 2009, has just completed his 100th "Scripture...As We Live It". I love this series of posts where Alan quotes well known Bible verses as we live them, rather than by what is actually said.
Some of my favorites are:
What then, brothers? When you come together,each one has a hymn, a lesson, a revelation, a tongue, or an interpretation find a place to sit, sing along with the band or choir, and listen to the preacher. Let all things be done for building up as prescribed by your leaders. (1 Corinthians 14:26 remix)
And he gavethe apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip the saints for to do the work of ministry, and for building up the body of Christ. (Ephesians 4:11-12 re-mix)
And let usconsider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting not forget to meet together in the church building every Sunday morning, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another let your leaders encourage you, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. (Hebrews 10:24-25 remix)
So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind unless they’re wrong, having the same love unless they’re wrong, being in full accord and of one mind unless they’re wrong. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit unless they’re wrong, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves unless they’re wrong. (Philippians 2:1-3 remix)
Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. ForI was hungry and you gave me food you made a profession of faith, I was thirsty and you gave me drink you were baptized, I was a stranger and you welcomed me you faithfully attended church meetings, I was naked and you clothed me you joined a Bible study, I was sick and you visited me you gave your offerings to the church, I was in prison and you came to me you even gave to the building fund.’ (Matthew 25:34-36 re-mix)
But Jesus called them to him and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shallnot certainly be so among you. But So whoever would be great among you must be your servant leader, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave authority… (Matthew 20:25-27 re-mix)
Go into the church building therefore and make disciples of allnations who come into the church building, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you the specific tenets of your church. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age, well, sort of, but not in a real sense. (Matthew 28:19-20 re-mix)
Bythis these things all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another by your t-shirts, bumper stickers, signs, speeches, political affiliation, church membership, vocabulary, etc. (John 13:35 re-mix)
Trust in the LORDwith all your heart as much as is reasonably possible, and do not lean on your own understanding, especially your theological understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him do what seems logical, practical, or expedient, and he will make straight your paths ask him to bless the paths you’ve chosen. (Proverbs 3:5-6 re-mix)
Which is your favorite? To read all archived 100, click here.
Some of my favorites are:
What then, brothers? When you come together,
And he gave
And let us
So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind unless they’re wrong, having the same love unless they’re wrong, being in full accord and of one mind unless they’re wrong. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit unless they’re wrong, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves unless they’re wrong. (Philippians 2:1-3 remix)
Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For
But Jesus called them to him and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall
Go into the church building therefore and make disciples of all
By
Trust in the LORD
Which is your favorite? To read all archived 100, click here.
Friday, February 19
Weekend fun: Variations on Murphy's Law
Paul Burleson recently posted this list of humorous one-liners that I enjoyed, and thought you might too!
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Everyone knows Murphy's law... "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong." Well here are some similar laws...variations on the same theme:
Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act
Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
Law of variation - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the evidence - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will..
Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theater or stadium - The people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or before the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. [The aisle people also are very surly folk too.]
Law of gym Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Law of seeing a Doctor - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.
Law of Interior decor - The likelihood of a slice of buttered toast landing butter-side-down is directly proportional to the square of the price of the carpet. [added by Bob Cleveland to the original list]
Which brought a smile to your face?
------------------------
Everyone knows Murphy's law... "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong." Well here are some similar laws...variations on the same theme:
Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act
Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
Law of variation - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the evidence - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will..
Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theater or stadium - The people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or before the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. [The aisle people also are very surly folk too.]
Law of gym Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Law of seeing a Doctor - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.
Law of Interior decor - The likelihood of a slice of buttered toast landing butter-side-down is directly proportional to the square of the price of the carpet. [added by Bob Cleveland to the original list]
Which brought a smile to your face?
Tuesday, December 15
Are you a SETTLER or a PIONEER?
According to Wes Seeliger, there are basically two camps in Christianity: the SETTLERS and the PIONEERS. Each has their own unique understanding of "theology" that determines how Christianity, church planting, missions, ecclesiology, etc. is carried out in everday practice. While only an analogy, I find Seeliger comes mighty close to the truth. Could the roots of the tension, accusations, misunderstandings amongst us boil down to the differences between SETTLERS and PIONEERS?
Frontier Theology
by Wes Seeliger
There are two views of life and two kinds of people. Some see life as a possession to be carefully guarded. They are SETTLERS. Others see life as a fantastic, wild, explosive gift. They are PIONEERS.
To no one's surprise there are two kinds of theology. Settler theology and pioneer theology. Settler theology is an attempt to answer all the questions, define and housebreak some sort of "Supreme Being," establish the status quo on Golden Tablets in cinemascope.
Pioneer Theology is an attempt to talk about what it means to receive the strange gift of life and live! The pioneer sees theology as a wild adventure, complete with indians, saloon girls, and the haunting call of what is yet to be.
The Wild West offers a stage for picturing these two types of theology. Settlers and Pioneers use the same words but that is where it stops. To see what I mean--read on.
THE CHURCH
IN SETTLER THEOLOGY--the church is the courthouse. It is the center of town life. The old stone structure dominates the town square. Its windows are small. This makes the thing easy to defend, but quite dark inside. Its doors are solid oak. No one lives there except pigeons and they, of course, are most unwelcome.
Within the thick, courthouse walls, records are kept, taxes collected, trials held for bad guys. The courthouse runs the town. It is the settler's symbol of law, order, stability, and most important--security, The mayor's office is on the top floor. His eagle eye scopes out the smallest details of town life.
IN PIONEER THEOLOGY--the church is the covered wagon. It is a house on wheels--always on the move. No place is its home. The covered wagon is where the pioneers eat, sleep, fight, love, and die. It bears the marks of life and movement--it creaks, is scarred with arrows, bandaged with bailing wire. The covered wagon is always where the action is. It moves in on the future and doesn't bother to glorify its own ruts. The old wagon isn't comfortable, but the pioneers could care less. There is a new world to explore.
GOD
IN SETTLER THEOLOGY--God is the mayor. The honorable Alpha O. Mega, chief executive of Settler City. He is a sight to behold--dressed like a dude from back East, lounging in an over-stuffed chair in his courthouse office. He keeps the blinds drawn. No one sees or knows him directly, but since there is order in the town who can deny he is there? The mayor is predictable and always on schedule.
The settlers fear the mayor but look to him to clear the payroll and keep things going. The mayor controls the courthouse which in turn runs the town. To maintain peace and quiet the mayor sends the sheriff to check on pioneers who ride into town.
IN PIONEER THEOLOGY--God is the trail boss. He is rough and rugged-full of life. The trail boss lives, eats, sleeps, fights with his men. Their well being is his concern. Without him the wagon wouldn't move--the pioneers would become fat and lazy. Living as a free man would be impossible. The trail boss often gets down in the mud with the pioneers to help push the wagon which frequently gets stuck. He slugs the pioneers when they get soft and want to turn back. His fist is an expression of his concern.
JESUS
IN SETTLER THEOLOGY--Jesus is the sheriff. He is the guy who is sent by the mayor to enforce the rules. He wears a white hat--drinks milk--outdraws the bad guys. He saves the settlers by offering security. The sheriff decides who is thrown in jail. There is a saying in town that goes like this--those who believe the mayor sent the sheriff and follow the rules won't stay in Boot Hill when it comes their time.
IN PIONEER THEOLOGY--Jesus is the scout. He rides out ahead to find out which way the pioneers should go. He lives all the dangers of the trail. The scout suffers every hardship, is attacked by the Indians, feared by the settlers. Through his actions and words he shows the true spirit, intent, and concern of the trail boss. By looking at the scout, those on the trail learn what it really means to be a pioneer.
THE HOLY SPIRIT
IN SETTLER THEOLOGY--the Holy Spirit is a saloon girl. Her job is to comfort the settlers. They come to her when they feel lonely or when life gets dull or dangerous. She tickles them under the chin and makes everything O.K. again. The saloon girl squeals to the sheriff when someone starts disturbing the peace. (Note to settlers: the whiskey served in Settler City Saloon is the non-spiritous kind.)
IN PIONEER THEOLOGY--the Holy Spirit is the buffalo hunter. He rides along with the wagon train and furnishes fresh, raw meat for the pioneers. The buffalo hunter is a strange character--sort of a wild man. The pioneers never can tell what he will do next. He scares the hell out of the settlers. Every Sunday morning, when the settlers have their little ice cream party in the courthouse, the buffalo hunter sneaks up to one of the courthouse windows with his big black gun and fires a tremendous blast. Men jump, women scream, dogs bark. Chuckling to himself, the buffalo hunter rides back to the wagon train.
THE CHRISTIAN
IN SETTLER THEOLOGY--the Christian is the settler. He fears the open, unknown frontier. He stays in good with the mayor and keeps out of the sheriff's way. He tends a small garden. "Safety First" is his motto. To him the courthouse is a symbol of security, peace, order, and happiness. He keeps his money in the bank. The banker is his best friend. He plays checkers in the restful shade of the oak trees lining the courthouse lawn. He never misses an ice cream party.
IN PIONEER THEOLOGY--the Christian is the pioneer. He is a man of risk and daring--hungry for adventure, new life, the challenge of being on the trail. He is tough, rides hard, knows how to use a gun when necessary. The pioneer feels sorry for the town folks and tries to tell them about the joy and fulfillment of a life following the trail. He dies with his boots on.
THE CLERGYMAN
IN SETTLER THEOLOGY--the clergyman is the bank teller. Within his vaults are locked the values of the town. He is suspicious of strangers. And why not? Look what he has to protect! The bank teller is a highly respected man in town. He has a gun but keeps it hidden behind his desk. He feels he and the sheriff have a lot in common. After all, they both protect the bank.
IN PIONEER THEOLOGY--the clergyman is the cook. He doesn't furnish the meat--he just dishes up what the buffalo hunter provides. This is how he supports the movement of the wagon. He never confuses his job with that of the trail boss, scout or buffalo hunter. He sees himself as just another pioneer who has learned to cook. The cook's job is to help the pioneers pioneer.
THE BISHOP
IN SETTLER THEOLOGY--the bishop is the bank president. He rules the bank with an iron hand. He makes all the decisions, tells the tellers what to do, and upholds the image of the bank. The settlers must constantly be reassured of the safety of their values. The bank president watches the books like a hawk. Each day he examines all deposits and withdrawals. The bank president is responsible for receiving all new accounts. This is called "the laying on of hands."
IN PIONEER THEOLOGY--the bishop is the dishwasher. He does the chores so the cook can do his job. He supports the cook in every way possible. Together the cook and dishwasher plan the meals and cook the food provided by the buffalo hunter. They work as an interdependent team in all matters related to cooking. Humming while he works, the dishwasher keeps the coffeepot going for the pioneers. Though the dishwasher has an humble task he is not resentful. All pioneers realize that each man's job is equally important. In fact, in the strange ways of the pioneer community, he is greatest who serves most. (A bishop is the servant of the servants of God. If the servants of God are cooks, what else would a bishop be?)
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The complete book from which this was condensed is available from the author for $6.95. Wes Seeliger, 4027 Lanark, Houston, TX 77025
Frontier Theology
by Wes Seeliger
There are two views of life and two kinds of people. Some see life as a possession to be carefully guarded. They are SETTLERS. Others see life as a fantastic, wild, explosive gift. They are PIONEERS.
To no one's surprise there are two kinds of theology. Settler theology and pioneer theology. Settler theology is an attempt to answer all the questions, define and housebreak some sort of "Supreme Being," establish the status quo on Golden Tablets in cinemascope.
Pioneer Theology is an attempt to talk about what it means to receive the strange gift of life and live! The pioneer sees theology as a wild adventure, complete with indians, saloon girls, and the haunting call of what is yet to be.
The Wild West offers a stage for picturing these two types of theology. Settlers and Pioneers use the same words but that is where it stops. To see what I mean--read on.
THE CHURCH
IN SETTLER THEOLOGY--the church is the courthouse. It is the center of town life. The old stone structure dominates the town square. Its windows are small. This makes the thing easy to defend, but quite dark inside. Its doors are solid oak. No one lives there except pigeons and they, of course, are most unwelcome.
Within the thick, courthouse walls, records are kept, taxes collected, trials held for bad guys. The courthouse runs the town. It is the settler's symbol of law, order, stability, and most important--security, The mayor's office is on the top floor. His eagle eye scopes out the smallest details of town life.
IN PIONEER THEOLOGY--the church is the covered wagon. It is a house on wheels--always on the move. No place is its home. The covered wagon is where the pioneers eat, sleep, fight, love, and die. It bears the marks of life and movement--it creaks, is scarred with arrows, bandaged with bailing wire. The covered wagon is always where the action is. It moves in on the future and doesn't bother to glorify its own ruts. The old wagon isn't comfortable, but the pioneers could care less. There is a new world to explore.
GOD
IN SETTLER THEOLOGY--God is the mayor. The honorable Alpha O. Mega, chief executive of Settler City. He is a sight to behold--dressed like a dude from back East, lounging in an over-stuffed chair in his courthouse office. He keeps the blinds drawn. No one sees or knows him directly, but since there is order in the town who can deny he is there? The mayor is predictable and always on schedule.
The settlers fear the mayor but look to him to clear the payroll and keep things going. The mayor controls the courthouse which in turn runs the town. To maintain peace and quiet the mayor sends the sheriff to check on pioneers who ride into town.
IN PIONEER THEOLOGY--God is the trail boss. He is rough and rugged-full of life. The trail boss lives, eats, sleeps, fights with his men. Their well being is his concern. Without him the wagon wouldn't move--the pioneers would become fat and lazy. Living as a free man would be impossible. The trail boss often gets down in the mud with the pioneers to help push the wagon which frequently gets stuck. He slugs the pioneers when they get soft and want to turn back. His fist is an expression of his concern.
JESUS
IN SETTLER THEOLOGY--Jesus is the sheriff. He is the guy who is sent by the mayor to enforce the rules. He wears a white hat--drinks milk--outdraws the bad guys. He saves the settlers by offering security. The sheriff decides who is thrown in jail. There is a saying in town that goes like this--those who believe the mayor sent the sheriff and follow the rules won't stay in Boot Hill when it comes their time.
IN PIONEER THEOLOGY--Jesus is the scout. He rides out ahead to find out which way the pioneers should go. He lives all the dangers of the trail. The scout suffers every hardship, is attacked by the Indians, feared by the settlers. Through his actions and words he shows the true spirit, intent, and concern of the trail boss. By looking at the scout, those on the trail learn what it really means to be a pioneer.
THE HOLY SPIRIT
IN SETTLER THEOLOGY--the Holy Spirit is a saloon girl. Her job is to comfort the settlers. They come to her when they feel lonely or when life gets dull or dangerous. She tickles them under the chin and makes everything O.K. again. The saloon girl squeals to the sheriff when someone starts disturbing the peace. (Note to settlers: the whiskey served in Settler City Saloon is the non-spiritous kind.)
IN PIONEER THEOLOGY--the Holy Spirit is the buffalo hunter. He rides along with the wagon train and furnishes fresh, raw meat for the pioneers. The buffalo hunter is a strange character--sort of a wild man. The pioneers never can tell what he will do next. He scares the hell out of the settlers. Every Sunday morning, when the settlers have their little ice cream party in the courthouse, the buffalo hunter sneaks up to one of the courthouse windows with his big black gun and fires a tremendous blast. Men jump, women scream, dogs bark. Chuckling to himself, the buffalo hunter rides back to the wagon train.
THE CHRISTIAN
IN SETTLER THEOLOGY--the Christian is the settler. He fears the open, unknown frontier. He stays in good with the mayor and keeps out of the sheriff's way. He tends a small garden. "Safety First" is his motto. To him the courthouse is a symbol of security, peace, order, and happiness. He keeps his money in the bank. The banker is his best friend. He plays checkers in the restful shade of the oak trees lining the courthouse lawn. He never misses an ice cream party.
IN PIONEER THEOLOGY--the Christian is the pioneer. He is a man of risk and daring--hungry for adventure, new life, the challenge of being on the trail. He is tough, rides hard, knows how to use a gun when necessary. The pioneer feels sorry for the town folks and tries to tell them about the joy and fulfillment of a life following the trail. He dies with his boots on.
THE CLERGYMAN
IN SETTLER THEOLOGY--the clergyman is the bank teller. Within his vaults are locked the values of the town. He is suspicious of strangers. And why not? Look what he has to protect! The bank teller is a highly respected man in town. He has a gun but keeps it hidden behind his desk. He feels he and the sheriff have a lot in common. After all, they both protect the bank.
IN PIONEER THEOLOGY--the clergyman is the cook. He doesn't furnish the meat--he just dishes up what the buffalo hunter provides. This is how he supports the movement of the wagon. He never confuses his job with that of the trail boss, scout or buffalo hunter. He sees himself as just another pioneer who has learned to cook. The cook's job is to help the pioneers pioneer.
THE BISHOP
IN SETTLER THEOLOGY--the bishop is the bank president. He rules the bank with an iron hand. He makes all the decisions, tells the tellers what to do, and upholds the image of the bank. The settlers must constantly be reassured of the safety of their values. The bank president watches the books like a hawk. Each day he examines all deposits and withdrawals. The bank president is responsible for receiving all new accounts. This is called "the laying on of hands."
IN PIONEER THEOLOGY--the bishop is the dishwasher. He does the chores so the cook can do his job. He supports the cook in every way possible. Together the cook and dishwasher plan the meals and cook the food provided by the buffalo hunter. They work as an interdependent team in all matters related to cooking. Humming while he works, the dishwasher keeps the coffeepot going for the pioneers. Though the dishwasher has an humble task he is not resentful. All pioneers realize that each man's job is equally important. In fact, in the strange ways of the pioneer community, he is greatest who serves most. (A bishop is the servant of the servants of God. If the servants of God are cooks, what else would a bishop be?)
---------------
The complete book from which this was condensed is available from the author for $6.95. Wes Seeliger, 4027 Lanark, Houston, TX 77025
Friday, July 24
Jesus was not a very good evangelist
Alan Knox has decided Jesus was not a very good evangelist...at least by today's standards. See if you agree with him...
...I’ve decided that Jesus was not a very good evangelist.
When he called his first disciples, he didn’t tell them about his good plan for their lives; he simply said, “Follow me.”
When he talked to Nicodemus, Jesus didn’t point out his sins; he simply talked about the new life in the Spirit.
When he talked to the Samaritan woman by the well, Jesus didn’t call her to repent; he just announced himself as the Messiah.
When he talked to the “rich, young ruler,” he didn’t tell the man to simply believe or trust him or pray to him; he told him to sell all he had and give to the poor and follow him.
When he forgave the paralytic, he did so based on his friends’ faith.
When he cast demons out of people, he often told them to not tell other people about him.
When Jesus ate at Zacchaeus’ house, he seemed pleased that Zacchaeus talked about his works of giving back to the poor, but Jesus never told him to make sure he had faith.
When Pilate asked Jesus if he was the king of the Jews, Jesus did not give a very convincing apologetic argument.
When he met Paul on the road to Damascus, Jesus left out almost every point in the Roman Road, E.E., C.W.T., F.A.I.T.H., and any other evangelism method.
No, Jesus was not a very good evangelist… at least, not according to most Christian definitions and descriptions of a good evangelist.
Wednesday, June 10
My secret for good health
Just about everyone out there has a life changing gadget, diet or formula for good health and well being. Well, after 45 years, I am finally joining the ranks and will now disclose my own special secret to good health and well-being.
Get yourself a SanDisk Sanza Fuze mp3 player.
That's right. For me it has been the key to healthy living. Seriously!
--I have lost weight
--feel more energetic
--reduced my chronic migraines by 85%
--sleep better at nights and wake up early and refreshed
--feel less stressed
--have not been sick for many months now
--find myself in the best physical shape I have been in since high school
And all this, thanks, to my Sansa Fuze health gadget!
For years I have struggled to exercise, eat correctly, and do all those things we are supposed to do to be healthy. But nothing...repeat...NOTHING has worked, that is, until I bought my portable mp3 player.
Here's my brief testimonial success story (SanDisk ought to pay me a promotional fee for plugging their product like this!)
It all started one day as I was wandering up and down the aisles of an electronics store in San Antonio, TX. I chanced upon SanDisk mp3 players on sale. My two kids and wife already had their own (my wife an iPod) so felt guilty about spending money for a fourth one. But the price was just too good to pass up, so I bought myself a shiny red 4GB Sansa Fuze.
Like most of you reading, I have tried everything over the years with little success and no lasting results to show for all the effort, hunger cravings, sacrifice, and sweat.
I can think of fewer things I hate more than exercising--I absolutely hate every second.
Dieting...well that is a source of marital stress and tension, so that has never worked for more than 2-3 days at most.
Then I went through a phase where I got myself a stationary bike and would watch TV while exercising. The problem with that one is there are just too many commercials on TV and I have zero tolerance for commercials. So then I progressed to watching DVD movies (without commercials), but, that too, didn't work because I don't like wasting a good movie while sweating on a stationary bike. I'd much rather watch a good flick with a large bowl of butter popcorn, Coke, and my easy chair!
So what was it about the mp3 player that has made all the difference?
I LOVE BOOKS...I HATE EXERCISING. (You can probably guess where this is headed.) About nine months ago, I began downloading and listening to audio books (and podcasts) while going for morning walks. I was totally engrossed in the audio content and without even realizing it, was walking 30-40 minutes six days a week.
I have now been following this daily routine consistently for close to a year. It is the only thing I am doing. But the results have been amazing.
Now, to be honest, my secret success formula for good health is no rapid weight-loss plan. I have only lost an average of about 1 pound per month, but I FEEL so much better, have a lot more energy, and have lost more weight than all the combined efforts of the previous 20 years!
Lately I have tried to do something about the eating side of things. Dieting and low-fat eating are just not my cup of tea. I love my sweets, fried foods, snacks, carbs, etc. But what I have begun doing, though, is eating LESS of all these yummy things. Instead of 4 slices of pizza, it's now two. Instead of six panes de yuca, I stop after enjoying four.
The net result has been dramatic--at least for me. I am thinking about writing a book, "How to lose a pound a month and feel great by doing nothing more than listening to audio books!" The $19.95 sticker price could help finance some of our missions projects. Who knows, maybe it could even surpass Rick Warren's "Purpose Driven Life" (which by-the-way is on my list to download!)
So, what works for you? What do you do for good health? Do you have a secret the rest of us could benefit from?
Get yourself a SanDisk Sanza Fuze mp3 player.
That's right. For me it has been the key to healthy living. Seriously!
--I have lost weight
--feel more energetic
--reduced my chronic migraines by 85%
--sleep better at nights and wake up early and refreshed
--feel less stressed
--have not been sick for many months now
--find myself in the best physical shape I have been in since high school
And all this, thanks, to my Sansa Fuze health gadget!
For years I have struggled to exercise, eat correctly, and do all those things we are supposed to do to be healthy. But nothing...repeat...NOTHING has worked, that is, until I bought my portable mp3 player.
Here's my brief testimonial success story (SanDisk ought to pay me a promotional fee for plugging their product like this!)
It all started one day as I was wandering up and down the aisles of an electronics store in San Antonio, TX. I chanced upon SanDisk mp3 players on sale. My two kids and wife already had their own (my wife an iPod) so felt guilty about spending money for a fourth one. But the price was just too good to pass up, so I bought myself a shiny red 4GB Sansa Fuze.
Like most of you reading, I have tried everything over the years with little success and no lasting results to show for all the effort, hunger cravings, sacrifice, and sweat.
I can think of fewer things I hate more than exercising--I absolutely hate every second.
Dieting...well that is a source of marital stress and tension, so that has never worked for more than 2-3 days at most.
Then I went through a phase where I got myself a stationary bike and would watch TV while exercising. The problem with that one is there are just too many commercials on TV and I have zero tolerance for commercials. So then I progressed to watching DVD movies (without commercials), but, that too, didn't work because I don't like wasting a good movie while sweating on a stationary bike. I'd much rather watch a good flick with a large bowl of butter popcorn, Coke, and my easy chair!
So what was it about the mp3 player that has made all the difference?
I LOVE BOOKS...I HATE EXERCISING. (You can probably guess where this is headed.) About nine months ago, I began downloading and listening to audio books (and podcasts) while going for morning walks. I was totally engrossed in the audio content and without even realizing it, was walking 30-40 minutes six days a week.
I have now been following this daily routine consistently for close to a year. It is the only thing I am doing. But the results have been amazing.
Now, to be honest, my secret success formula for good health is no rapid weight-loss plan. I have only lost an average of about 1 pound per month, but I FEEL so much better, have a lot more energy, and have lost more weight than all the combined efforts of the previous 20 years!
Lately I have tried to do something about the eating side of things. Dieting and low-fat eating are just not my cup of tea. I love my sweets, fried foods, snacks, carbs, etc. But what I have begun doing, though, is eating LESS of all these yummy things. Instead of 4 slices of pizza, it's now two. Instead of six panes de yuca, I stop after enjoying four.
The net result has been dramatic--at least for me. I am thinking about writing a book, "How to lose a pound a month and feel great by doing nothing more than listening to audio books!" The $19.95 sticker price could help finance some of our missions projects. Who knows, maybe it could even surpass Rick Warren's "Purpose Driven Life" (which by-the-way is on my list to download!)
So, what works for you? What do you do for good health? Do you have a secret the rest of us could benefit from?
Tuesday, March 17
Blog madness 2009
Over at SBC Voices there is a fun contest going on for the 2nd Annual SBC Blog Madness 2009. Much to my surprise "The M Blog" is listed in the South Division up against some very good blogs--several of which I read regularly.
Everyone is being encouraged to drum up votes for their blog, so PLEASE VOTE FOR ME in this first round elimination. Click here and vote for the M Blog!
Everyone is being encouraged to drum up votes for their blog, so PLEASE VOTE FOR ME in this first round elimination. Click here and vote for the M Blog!
Saturday, March 7
Funny story
For a good laugh, read the following story which appeared this past week on Frank Viola's blog.
--------------
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room. He decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, he sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from family and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor passed out. He looked at the computer which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I’ve Arrived
Date: March 2, 2009
I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have been checked in. I’ve seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!!!!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!!
--------------
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room. He decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, he sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from family and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor passed out. He looked at the computer which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I’ve Arrived
Date: March 2, 2009
I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have been checked in. I’ve seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!!!!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!!
Friday, March 6
How much is your blog worth?
I saw this on Praisegod Barebones and clicked the link to find out how much my blog is worth. Not near as valuable as Bart's, but hey, if anyone out there would like to pay me the $26,533.38, the "M Blog" will be yours within the hour!
My blog is worth $26,533.38.
How much is your blog worth?
Saturday, February 28
I can't stand your religious meetings
I can't stand your religious meetings. I'm fed up with your conferences and conventions. I want nothing to do with your religion projects, your pretentious slogans and goals. I'm sick of your fund-raising schemes, your public relations and image making. I've had all I can take of your noisy ego-music. When was the last time you sang to me? Do you know what I want? I want justice--oceans of it. I want fairness--rivers of it. That's what I want. That's all I want. --God (Amos 5:21-24 The Message)
Don't miss watching this video parable of what to me is an excellent illustration of what God is saying above.
Don't miss watching this video parable of what to me is an excellent illustration of what God is saying above.
Wednesday, December 17
What if the church were run like an airline?
I travel quite a bit, and have been watching all the up-charges that the airlines have been passing on to customers. From paying for the first checked bag, to fuel surcharges, to purchasing soft drinks, they have really socked it to the consumer with all the new charges. I was thinking... particularly during this economic trying time for many churches, maybe we should take some advice from the airlines. Here are some things that I think we could take from the airline world and apply to our churches that might help get us through these trying times:
--First donut free; each additional donut 75 cents.
--All aisle seats are now $10/week. Back row premium seating available for $20 per week.
--First ear plug is free. Additional earplugs just $5 each.
--iPod rental with a Perry Noble sermon - $20 upcharge
Oh... there's more...
--Valet parking: $20 plus tip
--No Bible charge: $10
--Cell phone ringing during service: $50 one time charge
--Late to service fee: $10/per person
--"Sing that chorus one less time” request: $20
--Nursery diaper change fee: $5/lb.
--KJV upgrade to NIV: $15
--U-PIC the sermon topic: $250
--Hit job on the organist (rates vary per city/church)
--Online tithing discount rate: 8%
--Music Volume Up fee: $20
--Music Volume Down fee: $20
What would you add? Leave your ideas in the comments!
Wednesday, April 2
A Completely Biblical Church
Alan Knox has done it again with another great post entitled, A Completely Biblical Church. Before you get too upset about some of his "biblical" conclusions, remember yesterday was April Fool's Day! :)
--------------------
I've decided to begin a new church which I'm calling a Completely Biblical Church - since it is originating completely from Scripture. Trust me... this is completely legitimate... not a joke at all... I wouldn't lie to you... not today, or all days.
To determine the practices of this church, I've scoured Scripture and determined practices that most churches ignore, using the same hermeneutical principles used to determine church practices by other churches today. Here are a few of the new practices along with the texts which demonstrate that these are scriptural practices:
1. No church meetings will be held in rooms that are at ground level or below. All meetings will be held above ground level.
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While we may smile at a church holding to such teachings, the truth is this is how many of us come to our theological and church practices. After all, the Bible says it right there in clear English... doesn't it!?!?
Frank Viola and George Barna talk about this misuse of Scripture in Pagan Christianity. The way many of us approach the Bible is by isolating and pasting together a series of texts to come up with just about any kind of theology one can imagine. Our approach is akin to putting together the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Frank describes it, "You could call our method of studying the New Testament the "clipboard approach..." where one cuts and pastes pieces of text via the computer clipboard. In this way you can copy a sentence from one document and paste it into another. Little regard is given to the text's original intent. By this practice we can pretty much say whatever we like, and then justify it by saying, "the Scripture clearly teaches..." Isn't this what many of us do in order to justify our theological stances and church practices?
Time and space do not allow me to get into this topic further, but suffice it to say, Alan's spoof illustrates the danger of isolating Biblical texts and then pasting them into our own outline to justify some crazy stances on things. What's worse, we try to impose our "biblical" position on everyone else. Those who disagree are not in disagreement with us, but with the Word of God!
What do you think?
--------------------
I've decided to begin a new church which I'm calling a Completely Biblical Church - since it is originating completely from Scripture. Trust me... this is completely legitimate... not a joke at all... I wouldn't lie to you... not today, or all days.
To determine the practices of this church, I've scoured Scripture and determined practices that most churches ignore, using the same hermeneutical principles used to determine church practices by other churches today. Here are a few of the new practices along with the texts which demonstrate that these are scriptural practices:
1. No church meetings will be held in rooms that are at ground level or below. All meetings will be held above ground level.
- He will show you a large upper room furnished and ready... (Mark 14:15)
- And when they had entered, they went up to the upper room, where they were staying... (Acts 1:13)
- There were many lamps in the upper room where we were gathered. (Acts 20:8)
- [W]hen we were gathered together..., Paul talked with them..., and he prolonged his speech until midnight. (Acts 20:7)
- [S]peaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord in your heart... (Ephesians 5:19)
- [S]inging psalms and hymns and spiritual songs with thankfulness in your hearts to God... (Colossians 3:16)
- And day by day..., they were sharing their food with glad and generous hearts... (Acts 2:46)
- Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. (1 Timothy 4:12)
- No longer drink only water, but use a little wine for the sake of your stomach and your frequent ailments. (1 Timothy 5:23)
- Yes, I ask you also, true companion, help these women, who have labored side by side... (Philippians 4:3)
- For this reason I bow my knees before the Father... (Ephesians 3:14)
- I desire then that in every place the men should pray, lifting holy hands... (1 Timothy 2:8)
- But if... an unbeliever or outsider enters, he is convicted by all, he is called to account by all, the secrets of his heart are disclosed, and so, falling on his face, he will worship God... (1 Corinthians 14:24-25
- And when they had prayed, the place in which they were gathered together was shaken... (Acts 4:31)
-----------------
While we may smile at a church holding to such teachings, the truth is this is how many of us come to our theological and church practices. After all, the Bible says it right there in clear English... doesn't it!?!?
Frank Viola and George Barna talk about this misuse of Scripture in Pagan Christianity. The way many of us approach the Bible is by isolating and pasting together a series of texts to come up with just about any kind of theology one can imagine. Our approach is akin to putting together the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Frank describes it, "You could call our method of studying the New Testament the "clipboard approach..." where one cuts and pastes pieces of text via the computer clipboard. In this way you can copy a sentence from one document and paste it into another. Little regard is given to the text's original intent. By this practice we can pretty much say whatever we like, and then justify it by saying, "the Scripture clearly teaches..." Isn't this what many of us do in order to justify our theological stances and church practices?
Time and space do not allow me to get into this topic further, but suffice it to say, Alan's spoof illustrates the danger of isolating Biblical texts and then pasting them into our own outline to justify some crazy stances on things. What's worse, we try to impose our "biblical" position on everyone else. Those who disagree are not in disagreement with us, but with the Word of God!
What do you think?
Saturday, February 23
Best laugh of the week
*Pray For Ed.
Ed is in trouble.
He forgot his wedding anniversary.
His wife was really angry.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!"
The next morning Ed got up early and left for work.
When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a gift box wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Ed has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him!
*received in an email from family
Ed is in trouble.
He forgot his wedding anniversary.
His wife was really angry.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!"
The next morning Ed got up early and left for work.
When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a gift box wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Ed has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him!
*received in an email from family
Wednesday, February 20
Missionary perks
Many of our supporters back in the United States often feel sorry for missionaries living overseas and "suffering for Jesus." But the truth is, we are better off than most think. Folks back home simply aren't aware of the many personal privileges and perks we enjoy in our host countries. When I say we are truly blessed, I mean that! Here is a sample of just a few of the many perks we enjoy as missionaries:
-Getting our own glass to drink out of at social occasions and not having to share with someone else.
-Being given the seat right in front of the only floor fan in a closed room where 30 perspiring people are crammed together in equatorial heat and humidity. (If you don't think this is an honor and privilege, just try sitting somewhere else in the room and not pass out!)
-Not only having running water inside our house, but HOT water too! (No outhouses for us!)
-Being asked to sing, preach, teach, baptize, speak, dedicate babies, marry, or give the devotional at any church gathering that takes place. (If you're a missionary, you know what I am talking about. Not even Billy Graham gets asked to do all that we are honored to do!)
-Being invited to everyone's birthday party, anniversary, or wedding. (They know at least the missionary will bring a nice gift.)
-Having a phone that actually works (most of the time.)
-Having a wireless cell phone with a balance. (That way everyone who needs to make a call can borrow ours and we save them money. We call it our "phone ministry!")
-Always the one invited to go places. (They know the missionary has a car and will provide the transportation for all the other 15 people also wanting to go.)
-Double portions of rice, chicken and plantains at any social occasion. (They reason we must eat twice as much to be as big as we are!)
-A nice siesta every day after lunch. (How do people in the States manage to go all day long without a nap?)
-Fruit vendors, knife sharpeners, plumbers, sewer cleaners, professional con artists, street sweepers, bottle collectors, repairmen, newspaper collectors, beggars, Jehovah Witnesses, gardeners, electricians, and salesmen, ringing your door bell 20 times a day to see if you need their services or can give them anything. (While sometimes annoying--especially during afternoon siesta--it is generally a nice perk when you actually do need their services!)
-Always being complimented on how fat we are getting, or how much weight we have gained over the past month. (It truly is a cultural compliment meaning we are "well fed", "healthy" and can afford to eat like we do.)
-The honor of receiving calls every week from people asking for help in translating an English letter, recipe, their kid's homework, legal documents, etc. (How many times have I heard, "oh, it will just take a minute, you don't mind do you?")
-Being stared at every time we set foot outside the house like we were some movie star (especially since our only actual claim to fame is being from Texas.)
-Being able to go to the Pharmacy and buy whatever medications you need without a prescription. (Just go down to the corner drugstore 24/7 and get what you need--none of that $90 doctor fee to tell you what you already know!)
-Being the first person people think of when they are in an economic crisis and need a loan.
-Oh yes, having a maid to cook, clean, and wash everyday. (How do people manage without one?)
-Someone to do all your yard work for less than your kids allowance.
And finally, my favorite perk...
-Garbage picked up seven days/week, 365 days/year without anyone questioning what it is you are throwing away. This is probably my favorite missionary perk, and the one I most appreciate getting back to after every Stateside furlough. (Our last furlough (no joke) NOT ONCE was our garbage picked up by the trash collectors due to our never figuring out how to do it right. I was totally overwhelmed by the Ft. Worth "garbage manual" explaining all the rules and regulations about what kinds of trash will be picked up, on what days, in what type of containers, etc.)
And people wonder what missionaries do with all their time. Well, as you can see, managing all our perks can take up quite a bit of our daily time!
Care to add some of the perks that come with your career-job-ministry? Just add them to the comments section!
-Getting our own glass to drink out of at social occasions and not having to share with someone else.
-Being given the seat right in front of the only floor fan in a closed room where 30 perspiring people are crammed together in equatorial heat and humidity. (If you don't think this is an honor and privilege, just try sitting somewhere else in the room and not pass out!)
-Not only having running water inside our house, but HOT water too! (No outhouses for us!)
-Being asked to sing, preach, teach, baptize, speak, dedicate babies, marry, or give the devotional at any church gathering that takes place. (If you're a missionary, you know what I am talking about. Not even Billy Graham gets asked to do all that we are honored to do!)
-Being invited to everyone's birthday party, anniversary, or wedding. (They know at least the missionary will bring a nice gift.)
-Having a phone that actually works (most of the time.)
-Having a wireless cell phone with a balance. (That way everyone who needs to make a call can borrow ours and we save them money. We call it our "phone ministry!")
-Always the one invited to go places. (They know the missionary has a car and will provide the transportation for all the other 15 people also wanting to go.)
-Double portions of rice, chicken and plantains at any social occasion. (They reason we must eat twice as much to be as big as we are!)
-A nice siesta every day after lunch. (How do people in the States manage to go all day long without a nap?)
-Fruit vendors, knife sharpeners, plumbers, sewer cleaners, professional con artists, street sweepers, bottle collectors, repairmen, newspaper collectors, beggars, Jehovah Witnesses, gardeners, electricians, and salesmen, ringing your door bell 20 times a day to see if you need their services or can give them anything. (While sometimes annoying--especially during afternoon siesta--it is generally a nice perk when you actually do need their services!)
-Always being complimented on how fat we are getting, or how much weight we have gained over the past month. (It truly is a cultural compliment meaning we are "well fed", "healthy" and can afford to eat like we do.)
-The honor of receiving calls every week from people asking for help in translating an English letter, recipe, their kid's homework, legal documents, etc. (How many times have I heard, "oh, it will just take a minute, you don't mind do you?")
-Being stared at every time we set foot outside the house like we were some movie star (especially since our only actual claim to fame is being from Texas.)
-Being able to go to the Pharmacy and buy whatever medications you need without a prescription. (Just go down to the corner drugstore 24/7 and get what you need--none of that $90 doctor fee to tell you what you already know!)
-Being the first person people think of when they are in an economic crisis and need a loan.
-Oh yes, having a maid to cook, clean, and wash everyday. (How do people manage without one?)
-Someone to do all your yard work for less than your kids allowance.
And finally, my favorite perk...
-Garbage picked up seven days/week, 365 days/year without anyone questioning what it is you are throwing away. This is probably my favorite missionary perk, and the one I most appreciate getting back to after every Stateside furlough. (Our last furlough (no joke) NOT ONCE was our garbage picked up by the trash collectors due to our never figuring out how to do it right. I was totally overwhelmed by the Ft. Worth "garbage manual" explaining all the rules and regulations about what kinds of trash will be picked up, on what days, in what type of containers, etc.)
And people wonder what missionaries do with all their time. Well, as you can see, managing all our perks can take up quite a bit of our daily time!
Care to add some of the perks that come with your career-job-ministry? Just add them to the comments section!
Sunday, February 10
Mt. Chimborazo
One of my favorite stories in the history of evangelical work in Ecuador took place in 1892.*
I love God's sense of humor. See if you don't agree.
Francisco Penzotti, a Uruguayan carpenter-turned-preacher, had been jailed in Lima, Peru for eight months for distributing the Word of God. After his release in early 1891, he headed north to Guayaquil with his boxes of Bibles. As he pushed these pass the customs inspectors, one of the officials declared defiantly: "As long as Mt. Chimborazo stands, these books will never enter Ecuador!"
Not only did the Word of God enter the country that year, but today, all around the slopes of Mt. Chimborazo, an estimated 40-45% of the population claim to be evangelical believers. Chimborazo Province has the highest concentration of followers of Jesus Christ than any other region of Ecuador or South America that I am aware of.
From Chimborazo, the Gospel is spilling over into the neighboring Andean provinces of Tungurahua, Cañar and Cotopaxi. This is an exciting time to be a missionary in Ecuador. To see what I mean, click on the inspiring new IMB video International World Changers share Gospel in Ecuador and see the faces of a people long held in spiritual captivity, but now being freed to join the ranks of what is rapidly becoming a nationwide spiritual tsunami.
I love being on the winning side! More than 100 years since the infamous customs official's words were spoken, God is still proving to Satan and all his hosts that no matter how hard he tries to stop "those books" from entering, JESUS SHALL REIGN WHERE'ER THE SUN! And Mt. Chimborazo, at 20,946,230 feet, the highest point on the surface of the Earth (when measured from the core of the earth), stands tall as a majestic spiritual icon to remind the world "the gates of hell shall not prevail." Don't you love God's humor? Can't you just see Him smiling?
*Source: Daybreak Over Ecuador by Richard P. Reichert.
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