Monday, August 14

20 things to do while not multiplying churches

Steve Addison always has great things to say about church planting. I recently stumbled across his 20 things to do while not multiplying churches. While his list brought a smile, I have to admit the truth stings a bit when it gets too close to home!

1. Call yourself an apostle. Have some business cards printed. Hand them around.

2. Throw lots of money at subsidizing unhealthy, declining churches.

3. Throw money at “experimental missional initiatives” and never evaluate their effectiveness.

4. Set goals for multiplying new churches but don’t make it clear who is responsible to accomplish the goals.

5. Make someone responsible but don’t give them any real authority, discretionary time, or funding. Change the appointment every two years. After ten years, save money by retiring the position and making everyone else responsible.

6. Appoint a committee to undertake a study and write a report. Wait three years then do it again.

7. Hire a consultant to undertake a study and write a report. Wait three years then do it again.

8. Appoint the wrong people to plant churches. When they fail conclude that church planting doesn’t work.

9. When you see a healthy church plant say, “Yes it’s growing but it’s not really a Reformed/Baptist/Assemblies of God/Presbyterian/Methodist/New Vine/etc (choose one) church.”

10. Require pioneering leaders to be theologically trained before they can plant a church.

11. Throw your best leaders at your biggest problems, not at your greatest opportunities.

12. Watch pioneering leaders exit your movement and then comment on their lack of commitment.

13. Reward pioneering leaders with promotions. Get them away from the front line. Harness their drive to keep the institutional wheels turning.

14. In the 1960’s change the word “missions” to “mission.” To usher in the new millennium change “mission” to “missional.” Around 2010 plan to change “missional” to “postmissional.”

15. Agree to plant new churches when: (a) You’re large enough (b) You’re healthy enough (c) You have the leaders to give away (d) You have the money to spare (e) God has clearly shown you it’s time (f) When the cow jumps over the moon.

16. Run workshops on church planting. Hold conferences on church planting. Offer a course at your theological college on church planting. Do nothing to follow up with the people who show an interest. Make sure only experts get to teach. Keep the practitioners away from the students. Keep the students in the classroom.

17. Grow your church, facilities, staff, and budget as BIG as you can. Let your vision stop at your car park. Let church history end with you. Let the Kingdom dream die.

18. Set ridiculous but catchy sounding goals like “500 in 5 years,” or “2,000 by 2,000.” Three years after the target date expires set new goals. Don’t forget to change the dates!

19. Modernize your theology then postmodernize your theology. Remove evangelism and church planting from the centre of God’s mission in the world. When decline hits make sure the paid professionals are the last to feel the pinch.

20. Lastly, set up a blog on church planting. Link to other bloggers on church planting. Be sure they link to you. Add smoke and mirrors.


George Klineberg said...

Now that we have a 20 step program, let's get going!!!! :)

Ken Sorrell said...

Well Guy, I guess you felt it was time to take the gloves off huh? What makes this both humorous and sad at the same time is the truth found in each statement. Catchy phrases, inspiring goals, etc will never take the place of plain ol' hard church planting work. You need to frame this one. I'm going to use your post this week in my training of SC Churches. Thanks!

mr. t said...

"14. In the 1960’s change the word “missions” to “mission.” To usher in the new millennium change “mission” to “missional.” Around 2010 plan to change “missional” to “postmissional.”"

Now that one cracks me up!

Number 21... anyone?

Brad Graves said...

#14 is hilarious. Funny but not to critical. Good post.

abrasseau said...

good thoughts of truth

El Perro said...

Bendiciones Guy!

Excelente artículo: sería muy cómico si no fuera trágico...

Que el Señor siga usándote como hasta ahora.

Kiki Cherry said...

These are too funny.

I have to disagree with #20, though. We have really benefited from the wisdom coming from church planting blogs. We read and reference you guys fairly often, and are learning valuable, PRACTICAL tools from people who are actually in the trenches.

Ross Garner said...

I agree with kiki. What's wrong with blogging ... so long as it doesn't kep us away from the front line of real contact with those who are not yet Christians.