Wednesday, December 17

What if the church were run like an airline?


I travel quite a bit, and have been watching all the up-charges that the airlines have been passing on to customers. From paying for the first checked bag, to fuel surcharges, to purchasing soft drinks, they have really socked it to the consumer with all the new charges. I was thinking... particularly during this economic trying time for many churches, maybe we should take some advice from the airlines. Here are some things that I think we could take from the airline world and apply to our churches that might help get us through these trying times:

--First donut free; each additional donut 75 cents.

--All aisle seats are now $10/week. Back row premium seating available for $20 per week.

--First ear plug is free. Additional earplugs just $5 each.

--iPod rental with a Perry Noble sermon - $20 upcharge

Oh... there's more...

--Valet parking: $20 plus tip

--No Bible charge: $10

--Cell phone ringing during service: $50 one time charge

--Late to service fee: $10/per person

--"Sing that chorus one less time” request: $20

--Nursery diaper change fee: $5/lb.

--KJV upgrade to NIV: $15

--U-PIC the sermon topic: $250

--Hit job on the organist (rates vary per city/church)

--Online tithing discount rate: 8%

--Music Volume Up fee: $20

--Music Volume Down fee: $20

What would you add? Leave your ideas in the comments!

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Getting the missionary speaker to finish within the allotted time...

Priceless! :-)

GuyMuse said...

Anon,

You must have been present at one of the churches where we have spoken! :)

Scott in Vegas said...

"--Music Volume Up fee: $20
--Music Volume Down fee: $20"

....classic!!!!! that is a money maker right there - love it! what a great laugh for a snowy day in Las Vegas!

Addition:
...Church lingo Bingo: winner gets $50

...body guard to keep certain "people" from starting long converstations: $100

...luxury box seats with snacks: $100

...back stage pass: $25

..merry Christmas!

…great article – I linked it back to http://www.newchurchreport.com

Jerald said...

Great fun. I'll mention the diaper change fee idea to my wife when she volunteers in the nursery. I know our treasurer would love it.

GuyMuse said...

Scott,

$25 for backstage pass? I think it would be worth at least $50!

Jerald,

The whole nursery fee thing could be a big money-maker if churches decided to get serious about the kind of services they render to the little ones!

princess said...

The Airworthiness of the ship and the pilot in command is what matters more than the frills.

Frank (or Chip) said...

It has to cut both ways...

Fine for false advertising when the pastor says "ten more minutes." $10 due each listener

GuyMuse said...

Frank,

If we are going to get into "false advertisement" then we'd have to begin charging fines when the church doesn't live up to its billing of being "dynamic, Spirit-filled, exciting..." And what about "friendly"? I have been in quite a few churches that think themselves friendly, yet no one speaks to you except the official "greeter" at the door!

Frank (or Chip) said...

Ouch! Yes, I have to agree with you there. Or the "say hi to those around you time?" Not a lot of connection.