Weekend fun

The following are samples from the book Disorder in the court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History of actual courtroom attorney questions and witnesses answers. These were originally seen here and here.

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ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 15.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
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A: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
W: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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A: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
W: Yes.
A: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
W: I forget.
A: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
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A: How old is your son, the one living with you?
W: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
A: How long has he lived with you?
W: Forty-five years.
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A: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
W: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
A: And why did that upset you?
W: My name is Susan.
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A: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
W: We both do.
A: Voodoo?
W: We do.
A: You do?
W: Yes, voodoo.
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A: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
W: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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A: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
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A: Were you present when your picture was taken?
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A: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
W: Yes.
A: And what were you doing at that time?
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A: She had three children, right?
W: Yes.
A: How many were boys?
W: None.
A: Were there any girls?
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A: How was your first marriage terminated?
W: By death.
A: And by whose death was it terminated?
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A: Can you describe the individual?
W: He was about medium height and had a beard.
A: Was this a male, or a female?
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A: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
W: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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A: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
W: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
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A: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
W: Oral.
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A: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
W: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
A: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
W: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
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A: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
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A: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
W: No.
A: Did you check for blood pressure?
W: No.
A: Did you check for breathing?
W: No.
A: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
W: No.
A: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
W: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
A: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
W: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.